Honkai: Star Rail: I Can Fix This Gender-Bent World — Chapter 34

Chapter 34: The Woes of Sampo

When Chen posed the question, he leaned forward just slightly, a subtle shift in the biting wind. He reached out a hand, the gesture seemingly intended to help the man brush away the stubborn snowflakes clinging to his shoulder.

His fingers made fleeting, almost accidental contact with Sampo.

In that single instant of touch, the gray, game-like interface suspended in the depths of Chen’s consciousness shuddered. A new icon quietly materialized, its outline vaguely resembling the familiar, cynically smiling face of Sampo. Deep within the recesses of his mental manual, a new entry flared to life.

The icon had barely stabilized when a new sound cut through the blizzard.

A series of orderly, heavy footsteps crunched through the snow, approaching rapidly from their flank.

“You there! Don’t move! Silvermane Guards!”

A commanding female voice sliced through the howling wind, sharp and clear.

Everyone spun around. A squad of guards, clad in thick, silver-white armor and wielding standard-issue weapons, was fanning out, their movements swift and practiced as they began to encircle the group.

The leader’s high, golden ponytail remained defiantly upright against the gale, tracing a sharp arc with her every motion. Her face was exquisite, but her eyes were all business, filled with a wary scrutiny as they swept over Chen and his companions.

The standard-issue Silvermane Guard armor, which might have looked bulky on another, seemed only to accentuate her tall, heroic bearing. The simple, elegant patterns etched onto her shoulder and chest plates added a subtle touch of authority.

This was, without a doubt, an outstanding and formidable officer—the gender-swapped version of Gepard Landau.

Sampo’s expression instantly soured.

But Chen’s reaction was a fraction of a second faster.

Before Gepard’s piercing gaze could even land on him, Chen had already taken a sudden, dramatic step back, throwing his hands up in a gesture of surrender. His face instantly morphed into an exaggerated mask of wide-eyed innocence.

“Officer! I want to report something!” he shouted, his voice pitched just loud enough for everyone to hear clearly over the wind.

He jabbed a finger directly at Sampo, who was still frozen in place, and declared with absolute certainty, “We were just passing by when this person suddenly popped out of a snowbank and tried to extort money from us!”

“He lied, saying we stepped on him and that he needed us to pay his medical expenses!”

“We didn’t know what to do! You arrived just in time, Officer!”

March 7th’s mouth fell open, his jaw practically hitting the frozen ground as he stared in disbelief at Chen’s seamless attempt to distance himself from the situation. Even the corner of Dan Heng’s mouth couldn’t help but twitch. As for Stelle… she just blinked.

She looked from the righteously indignant Chen to Sampo, whose face was a perfect portrait of a man thinking, ‘I have never in my life met someone so utterly shameless.’ Finally, her gaze settled on the imposing, blonde female officer.

Gepard’s eyes lingered on Chen’s face for a long moment, as if weighing the truth of his frantic words. Then, her gaze locked onto Sampo, whose expression was now one of pure, unadulterated misery.

“Sampo.” The officer’s voice was devoid of any warmth. “Suspected of illegal trading, disturbing public order, and multiple counts of fraud… You’ve ignored numerous warnings. Take him away.”

“Wait! Officer! It’s a misunderstanding! A huge misunderstanding!” Sampo yelped, trying to struggle. Two towering Silvermane Guards had already moved in, grabbing him firmly by each arm.

“I was just joking with these new friends! Right, little brother?” He cast a desperate, pleading look toward Chen.

Chen immediately shook his head with vigorous sincerity, his eyes as earnest as a newborn puppy’s. “No, no, no, Officer, we really don’t know him! He was clearly trying to scam us just now!”

Gepard ignored Sampo’s pathetic excuses and waved a dismissive hand, signaling for the guards to haul him away. Her gaze swept over Chen’s group once more, her eyes briefly noting their attire, which was clearly not the standard issue of Belobog’s citizens.

But this flicker of doubt was quickly extinguished by a perfectly reasonable explanation her own mind supplied. They were most likely some well-to-do young ladies and masters from the city, sheltered and coddled their whole lives. Ignorant of the world’s dangers, they had probably run off to “experience life” or chase some foolish dream of treasure and adventure.

Her gaze finally came to rest on Chen, who seemed to be the de facto leader of the small party. “As residents of Belobog, why did you leave the safety of the city without permission? And why venture so deep into the Outer Snowfields, where the risk of Fragmentum corrosion is extremely high? You should be well aware of the recent prohibition.”

Before March 7th—whose brain was still struggling to process Chen’s ‘the villain sues first’ tactic—could even begin to formulate a response, Chen had already taken half a step forward. His face was now a mask of pure, unadulterated anger, the righteous fury of a man who had been thoroughly deceived.

“Officer, we were scammed!” he exclaimed, his tone agitated and raw. “It’s all because of a dishonest merchant! He sold us a so-called ‘Ancient Treasure Map’!”

“He made it sound incredible,” Chen continued, gesturing wildly with his hands, his expression so sincere it would be cruel to doubt him. “He said there were treasures buried deep in these snowfields that could resist the Eternal Freeze… We were out of our minds, I know, but we believed his nonsense! We thought we could contribute to the city, so… so we snuck out.”

He threw his hands up in exasperation. “And what happened? We followed that crappy map, not only did we get completely lost, but we ran into monsters! We barely managed to escape with our lives, only to run into that man who jumped out of the snow!”

“The second he saw we were in trouble, he immediately tried to extort us! It was only then that it clicked! The merchant who sold us the map and that extortionist… they must be in on it together! Specifically targeting people like us… people who are a little inexperienced in the ways of the world!”

Gepard listened to his impassioned speech. It was riddled with loopholes, but it was delivered with such emotional conviction that it was hard to dismiss.

She looked at the four youths again. The leader had the distinct air of an impulsive, hot-blooded, and easily duped young man. The pink-haired one looked like a beautiful, pampered young lady. The black-haired one had a cold, distant temperament, like a scholar’s daughter who rarely ventured outdoors. The gray-haired girl was even more quiet and seemed utterly clueless, as if she knew nothing of the world at all.

Yes, together, the four of them looked exactly like a troupe of wealthy children who had been lured out by boring adventure stories, only to suffer a harsh lesson from reality.

Especially with the three-girls-and-one-boy configuration, combined with Chen’s eagerness to explain and protect his companions… a logical deduction formed in the mind of Gepard, a Garrison Captain who had seen much of the world. Perhaps this young man had organized this foolish adventure to play the hero and win favor with his three beautiful female companions? In the end, instead of becoming a hero, he’d nearly become a casualty and stumbled into real trouble.

Thinking this, the sharp scrutiny in Gepard’s eyes faded, replaced by a hint of weary helplessness. Her stern expression softened almost imperceptibly.

“Regardless of the reason, leaving the city without permission is a dangerous and prohibited act,” she said, her tone firm but not unkind. “The world outside Belobog is far more dangerous than you imagine.”

Her gaze swept over the four of them, finally settling back on Chen.

“Now, follow me back to Belobog immediately. I will arrange for someone to escort you back. For your own sake, and for the safety of your companions.”

The word ‘escort’ was spoken plainly, but to Chen, it was the sweetest music. It worked! A smooth entry into the city, and with official guides, no less!

Meanwhile, March 7th’s mouth had not once closed since Chen began his award-worthy performance. Hearing that the officer had actually believed the whole story and was now going to escort them back, he suddenly snapped out of his stupor. He secretly jabbed Dan Heng in the ribs with his elbow.

Lowering his voice, his face was a mask of utter disbelief, the foundations of his worldview trembling. “No way… Dan Heng, did you see that? He… his stories just keep coming, one after another… Is he the senior here or am I?!”

“The lies just pour out of his mouth without him even blinking! If I had known this trick when I first joined the Express…”

Dan Heng stared straight ahead, his expression a perfect blank, as if he hadn’t heard a single word of March 7th’s frantic whispering.

Only the corner of his mouth twitched, once again, uncontrollably.

In a low voice that only the two of them could hear, he coldly spat out two words.

“…Habitual offender.”