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ArabicHonkai Star Rail: My Death Feeds Their Madness — Chapter 3
Chapter 3: The Star Reversed
Unexpectedly, a single dose was no longer enough to maintain his crumbling physical state.
Outside the window, the setting sun bled its final crimson rays behind the western mountains, quietly trading shifts with the pale crescent moon. The evening wind picked up, weaving through the trees and carrying a biting chill into the room. Kagashi took the opportunity to temporarily excuse himself. Stepping into the shadows of the next room, he urgently increased his dosage, waiting for the sharp pain in his chest to dull into a manageable ache. Once his breathing steadied, he slipped into a clean lab coat and brought a thick outer garment back for Clarice.
The young girl did not think much of his brief absence. Wrapping herself tightly in the jacket Kagashi had draped over her shoulders, Clarice buried her face in the collar. She greedily inhaled the lingering, comforting scent of medicinal herbs and clean linen woven into the fabric.
In the eyes of others, she had always been an unusual, eccentric girl. As a child, she loved cornering adults with strange, heavy questions, which only led to her being mocked by her peers and gradually isolated from the rest of the world.
Where do people come from? Who created humanity? How did this world begin?
She tirelessly sought out ancient stories belonging to the forgotten past, chasing the fading echoes of what once was. Her father had passed away early, and besides her mother, no one could understand why a child was so deeply obsessed with such intangible things.
It wasn’t until she met Mr. Kagashi that she finally found another soul in this vast universe who understood and tolerated her. No matter what kind of bizarre question she asked, regardless of whether it was absurd or actually had a standard answer, Mr. Kagashi would treat her inquiries with absolute sincerity.
The five years she had known him were the most relaxed and wonderful days of her life. Aside from the fragile haven of her own home, he was the only warmth she could touch in this cold world.
In his deep brown eyes flowed a quiet tenderness sufficient to make anyone willingly fall captive. Yet, the young girl faintly harbored the illusion that deep within that gentle gaze, a deep detachment and incurable loneliness lay hidden. Whenever she tried to reach closer to Mr. Kagashi’s inner self, she always felt the sudden, chilling sensation of hitting a transparent wall.
Clarice wasn’t entirely sure if this heavy, swelling feeling in her chest counted as liking him, or perhaps if it was love.
Perhaps it was?
Her mother had once told her that if you could feel an unmatched sense of peace when standing within another person’s world, then perhaps that was one true form of love.
“Mr. Kagashi… Mother’s condition is still getting worse, right?” The girl finally stopped her daydreaming, her voice tinged with a fragile tremor. “Is there really no way to completely cure it…”
“Of course there is.” Kagashi smiled gently, his calm voice washing over her to grant her peace of mind.
The girl’s eyes immediately lit up, and she looked up at him, brimming with desperate anticipation.
“In another two months, I will definitely be able to completely cure Ms. Durand’s amnesia and return a healthy mother to you,” he promised softly.
“Mr. Kagashi is so amazing!”
Pleasantly surprised, the girl couldn’t help but cheer, her previous gloom vanishing in an instant. Her eyes, reflecting the mingling hues of the sunset and the darkening night sky, sparkled with a charming, absolute faith. She believed in his abilities without a single shred of doubt.
“By then, you can return to your home planet in the neighboring star system,” Kagashi continued smoothly. “You won’t need to frequently drag Ms. Durand all the way out to this remote mountain forest of mine.”
Hearing this, the joy and excitement blooming on Clarice’s pretty face froze momentarily.
Home… there was nothing left on that planet worth missing. She didn’t want to go back. If she left, seeing Mr. Kagashi wouldn’t be as effortlessly simple as it was now.
In that fleeting silence, she made a decision. After her mother’s illness was completely cured, she would find the perfect chance to confess her feelings to him. Her emotions might be naive and innocent, but they were entirely pure. Her mother had once warned her that endless waiting would only eventually lead to bitter regret.
She absolutely refused to leave any regrets behind.
“Let’s not talk about that for now, Mr. Kagashi. I want to tell your fortune. It’s very accurate, you know.”
Saying this, Clarice reached into her bag and pulled out a beautifully illustrated deck of Tarot cards.
“How accurate?” Kagashi chuckled, leaning against the edge of the table.
“Accurate enough that five years ago, I roughly divined the exact area where your bamboo house was located.”
“Oh? That’s quite impressive. Let’s try it then. But I know absolutely nothing about Tarot cards, is that okay?”
“It’s completely fine. What kind of fortune telling would Mr. Kagashi like? How about we try love and marriage first?” Clarice suggested, desperately suppressing the nervous fluttering in her chest, terrified he might reject the idea.
“Heh… alright. What do I need to do?”
“Let’s keep it simple. Mr. Kagashi just needs to draw three cards from the deck, and no peeking.”
Kagashi didn’t hesitate or overthink the process. He casually drew three cards from the spread and smiled, signaling the girl to proceed with her reading.
Clarice couldn’t wait. She eagerly reached out to turn over the first card.
The moment she saw the illustrated face, the bright smile on her lips froze solid.
It was the Three of Swords… a terrible start.
Swallowing hard, she forced her trembling fingers to turn over the second card.
Ten of Swords.
The blood drained from her small face, leaving her faintly pale. Clarice’s breath hitched as she slowly turned over the third and final card.
The Star Reversed.
“What’s wrong? Did I draw a very unlucky combination?” Seeing her poor complexion, Kagashi asked softly, his tone laced with mild concern.
“No, no! It’s very, very auspicious! I’m just shocked that such a rare combination of cards was drawn…”
Clarice quickly shook her head, secretly gritting her teeth. She skipped the complex, devastating analysis entirely and stated a conclusion completely opposite to the cards’ true meaning.
“Mr. Kagashi will partner with his deeply loved one in the future, and you will become each other’s spiritual refuge. Simply put, it means eternal love.”
“I see… Then I shall gladly accept the auspicious words of the great fortune teller, Miss Clarice.”
Taking in Kagashi’s warm, trusting smile, Clarice couldn’t help but clench her left hand tightly under the table, her nails digging into her palm.
The true meaning of this card combination was a deep, agonizing heartbreak leading to the absolute end of a relationship, bringing with it an unforgettable despair. Ultimately, the beautiful future she had just envisioned had lost all possibility of ever becoming reality.
Fortune telling was not all-powerful, nor was its accuracy one hundred percent. But… this was the first time Clarice had ever fallen into such deep, suffocating self-doubt.
Mr. Kagashi only ever charged a symbolic, pitifully small consultation fee for treating his patients, no matter how severe or terminal the illness. Over the past five years, the Credits spent treating her mother’s amnesia amounted to less than one-tenth of the cost of booking a commercial spaceship from her home planet to this one.
How could someone so endlessly kind, someone who treated life so gently, face such a tragic, desolate future?
…It couldn’t possibly be… because of her, could it?
No, no, how could I possibly ever harm Mr. Kagashi?!
This divination was definitely inaccurate. It had to be. still, the bright flame of Clarice’s hopes for the future was temporarily extinguished by the heavy weight of those three cards.
The girl’s thoughts were simple and easy to read. Kagashi keenly noticed her quietly sinking mood, but he did not expose her. It was merely the girl’s well-intentioned lie. He figured the actual divination result was completely opposite to the sweet fairy tale she had claimed.
How could a man who was about to die ever partner with a loved one? Where in this universe would he ever find eternity?
Dying quietly, alone, was the destined ending he had already chosen and accepted. It was just that… even a complete life could not avoid leaving behind a few lingering regrets.
His Teacher likely wouldn’t change his mind about that dangerous research. And Kagashi knew he lacked the power to persuade him otherwise.
Deep night eventually fell over the mountain.
Clarice, burdened by her heavy, chaotic thoughts, fell asleep wearily, leaning against the wooden table. Kagashi approached quietly and gently picked her up. He carried her over to the bamboo couch, which was layered with a soft sleeping mat, and carefully covered her with a thick fleece blanket.
After checking the adjacent room and confirming that Ms. Durand was resting stably inside the Medical Pod, he turned and entered the Folded Space to continue his unfinished work.
Looking at the cold, metallic components scattered across the Alloy Workbench, Kagashi put on his protective goggles and proceeded methodically to the next step, his hands steady despite the ticking clock of his own life.
…
The warm morning sun pierced through the lush branches outside, forming dappled pools of golden light that scattered across the dry leaves on the forest floor.
Clarice’s eyelashes fluttered, and she slowly opened her eyes.
She sat up, rubbing the sleep from her face, and scanned her surroundings blankly. Her gaze eventually stopped at the window.
There, sitting on the sill and gazing out into the distant horizon, was the handsome profile of the man she admired. The morning glow draped Kagashi in a layer of golden amber, making his quiet figure seem entirely dreamlike and ethereal, as if he might fade away into the light at any moment.
For a long time, Clarice simply sat there, gradually losing herself in a silent daze.