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ArabicHonkai Impact: My Power Grows When Valkyries Fall For Me — Chapter 41
Chapter 41: A Selfish Atonement
Mei’s eyes flew wide. The moment Lucian’s lips met hers, her mind dissolved into white noise, leaving only the vivid, impossible sensation blooming against her mouth.
Lucian didn’t deepen the kiss. He simply pressed his lips gently against hers, a quiet, steady pressure that was more deep than any passion. His hands cupped her face, his thumbs stroking softly over the tear-streaked skin of her cheeks, the light friction sending a faint, tingling itch across her skin.
After a long, breathless moment, he drew back.
Mei felt as though she had just remembered how to breathe. She gasped for air, a ragged, shuddering inhalation, her cheeks already flushed a deep, burning crimson. She couldn’t bring herself to look at him, her gaze darting helplessly to the side.
“…W-Why…” she finally managed, her voice thick and nasal, her breathing still uneven.
Why kiss her? Why now, like this?
She had just experienced a terrifying loss of control, had just unleashed irreparable destruction. Why wasn’t he recoiling in disgust or fear? Why wasn’t he distancing himself? Why was he instead… doing this?
“Mei, look at me.”
His voice was low and calm, its clarity cutting through the suffocating silence of the small room.
Mei’s eyelashes trembled. Hesitantly, she lifted her head and finally met his gaze.
In the depths of his purple eyes, she found none of the revulsion or terror she had braced herself for. There was only a tenderness so deep it felt like she could drown in it.
“Why…?” she whispered again, the question a fragile thing.
“Because you look like you’re about to break.”
Lucian’s gaze held hers as he lowered his head and kissed her again.
This time, the kiss lingered slightly longer. It was just as gentle, yet it carried an obvious weight, a more definite and deliberate meaning. When he pulled away, Mei’s breathing was even more ragged, but this time, she didn’t look away.
“Can you calm down now?” he asked softly.
“…Mhm.” Mei nodded, a flicker of shyness entering her gaze as she looked at him.
“This Honkai Eruption… it’s my fault, too,” Lucian began, his voice dropping low, laced with a deep self-reproach. He kept his hands cupping her cheeks, as if to keep her anchored. “I knew you had the Gem of Conquest inside you, but I never said anything. I arrogantly thought I could handle everything myself.”
He let out a quiet, bitter breath. “I thought I could control the situation, that I could find a solution at the last possible moment. But in the end, I couldn’t do anything. I was ambushed. I couldn’t stop the Herrscher of Thunder, and I couldn’t protect Changkong City. I couldn’t even protect St. Freya Academy.”
His eyes met hers, raw and unguarded. “Like you, Mei, I am a perpetrator of this disaster.”
“…”
Mei was stunned into silence. She stared at Lucian, at the genuine guilt swimming in his eyes, and found herself at a complete loss for words. Looking into those beautiful, honest eyes, she knew he wasn’t lying. There wasn’t a single trace of deception in his expression.
“So,” he continued, his voice dropping to a near-whisper, “before I die, you are not allowed to die.”
His thumbs pressed gently into her skin. “If you die, there will be no one left to atone with me.”
His gaze intensified, becoming almost obsessive in its seriousness. “Do you understand, Mei?”
The air in the room seemed to crystallize, the only sound the soft rush of their breathing in the space between them. Mei’s pupils trembled as she stared blankly at him, captivated by the raw, desperate sincerity in his eyes.
His words were selfish. Truly, deeply selfish.
She could hardly believe they had come from the gentle, considerate Lucian she knew. She could only stare, dazed.
So… someone needed her to stay alive.
Not because of who she was, or what she possessed, or even for her own sake as a person.
Simply because someone needed her to bear the weight of their sins alongside them.
“How cunning…” she finally breathed out. Her voice was soft and still thick with unshed tears, but the trembling was gone. “Lucian… you’re far too cunning.”
A fresh wave of tears welled in her eyes, but this time, they weren’t the torrent of a breakdown. They were warm, born of a fragile, aching relief.
“Saying something like that… you leave me without a single excuse to refuse.”
With a choked sob, Mei threw herself into his arms, the force of it knocking him back a half-step. He felt her shoulders shaking violently against his chest as her scalding tears quickly soaked through the fabric of his shirt.
Faint, metallic noises occasionally echoed from beyond the rolling shutter door, but within their small, enclosed world, there was only the sound of Mei’s suppressed sobbing and the steady, rhythmic beat of Lucian’s heart.
After a long time, her crying gradually subsided into intermittent, shuddering breaths. She lay quietly in his arms, the clean scent of him filling her senses, mingled with the faint, coppery tang of blood. It was the scent of old wounds that had healed before he’d had a chance to clean them.
“…Sorry for getting your clothes wet,” she murmured, her voice muffled against his chest.
“You’ll feel better after crying it out,” he replied softly.
Time seemed to slow, stretching out in the quiet darkness. The glow from the emergency lamp seemed to dim, casting their embrace in softer shadows. They held each other without another word, the silence filled only by the sound of each other’s breathing.
A tide of exhaustion, coupled with the release of all her pent-up tension, washed over Mei. Her eyelids grew heavy, and her consciousness began to blur at the edges.
Only after she had fallen completely asleep did Lucian gently lay her down on the makeshift bed.
He stretched his stiff muscles, and just as he was about to head outside to check on the situation, a hand rested firmly on his shoulder.
“…?”
Lucian startled, whipping his head around to see Kiana standing directly behind him. She had woken up at some point, and her clear blue eyes were staring straight at him, wide and unnervingly focused.
“…Kiana?” Lucian’s voice held a note of surprise. He hadn’t expected her to wake up so soon.
Kiana’s lips parted, her voice a bit tight. “I… I saw everything just now.”
Her gaze flickered over his shoulder, landing for a brief, sharp moment on the sleeping form of Mei before snapping back to Lucian’s face.
“Let’s go outside and talk, Lucian.”
Her voice was calm—abnormally so. It lacked all of her usual boisterous energy, replaced by a chilling quiet.
——————
One after the other, they walked to a relatively open corner near the shutter door, away from the others.
The moment they stopped, Kiana slammed him against the wall, her hands bracketing his head as she kissed him with reckless abandon.
Lucian’s back hit the cold, hard surface, the impact jarring him. The girl’s soft body was pressed flush against his, and the obvious sensation of her lips on his sent his mind reeling. He was dazed for a moment, instinctively trying to raise his hands to push her away, but Kiana pinned his wrists against the wall with surprising strength.
Her grip was absolute. While kissing him, her free hand fumbled for the front of his jacket, yanking at his collar. The harsh rasp of the zipper was grating in the silence.
Lucian frowned, finally breaking free from her control with a surge of strength. He caught her misbehaving wrist, stopping her.
“Kiana, wait…” His voice was low and carried a slight pant, but it was exceptionally clear in the tense air.
Kiana’s movements froze. She looked up at him, her eyes misty and shimmering with unshed tears.
“Why…?” she whispered, her voice filled with a heartbreaking mix of sadness and confusion. Her fingertips were still clutching the fabric of his collar. “…Why did you kiss Mei?”
Lucian’s expression froze. He looked into Kiana’s tear-filled blue eyes, and a wave of guilt washed over him. His voice was low, heavy with resignation.
“Kiana, I’m a scumbag. I’m sorry…”
As he spoke, he braced himself for an angry outburst, a slap, or something worse.
However, the explosion he expected never came. There was no anger, no accusation, no dramatic reaction at all.
Kiana just looked at him quietly, her blue eyes swirling with a complex emotion that Lucian couldn’t begin to decipher. The fingers clutching his collar didn’t loosen; instead, they tightened.
“I know,” she said suddenly, her voice very soft, yet each word landed with perfect clarity.
“You’re always so gentle. You’re kind to me, and you’re kind to Mei, but your interactions with everyone else are just… normal.”
Her gaze was piercing, analytical. “I can tell. The way you look at me and Mei is different from how you look at anyone else.” She paused, her eyes narrowing slightly. “And that Bronya, too.”
“You understand us so well. Nothing ever seems to surprise you.”
She leaned in closer, her voice dropping to a near-whisper, her question hanging in the air like a blade.
“So… who exactly are you, Lucian?”