Genshin Impacti: This Priest is Cringe, But She's Also Unbeatable — Chapter 20
Chapter 20: The Junk Castle and the Goblins Who Can’t Count
Following the path Zhang Xuchu’s team had pointed out, the two sisters trekked deeper into the gloomy, dense forest.
The cloying scent of mixed strawberry and jasmine finally vanished after Celeste cast her fifth cleansing water ball, scrubbing herself down with magical vigor. The only downside was that she now smelled faintly of a bar of strawberry-scented soap that had been left to soak in water for too long.
“Sister, what do you think this ‘moonlight moss’ actually looks like? Does it really glow?” Selene asked, her curiosity piqued as she used her shield to shove aside a curtain of thick, hanging vines.
“The data says it emits a pearl-like luster under the moonlight,” Celeste replied, recalling the Illustrated Guide to Common Domain Resources she had crammed before the exam. “It’s the main ingredient for high-level calming potions. I just hope whatever monster is guarding it isn’t too ridiculous.”
To avoid potential swamp gasses and creatures lurking in stagnant water, they chose to follow a babbling forest stream upstream. The water ran crystal clear over a bed of smooth pebbles, bringing a rare touch of freshness to the otherwise eerie woods.
After about half an hour of walking, Celeste suddenly froze. Her gaze sharpened, locking onto a patch of wet mud on the riverbank.
“Selene, look there.”
Following her sister’s line of sight, Selene saw several unnatural impressions in the mud. They were definitely not the paw prints of any beast; they looked more like the tracks left by some kind of crude boot. The size was no bigger than that of a human child, but the toe area was splayed out exceptionally wide.
“People?” Selene was instantly on alert, subconsciously raising her kite shield.
“Doesn’t look like it.” Celeste crouched down, observing the tracks with a practiced eye. “The footprints are chaotic and there are a lot of them, but the stride is very short, not like an adult’s. And…”
She pointed a slender finger at several fruit pits discarded in the mud, gnawed exceptionally clean, alongside some crudely peeled tree bark still bearing tooth marks. “Their eating habits are very primitive.”
Straightening up, she looked in the direction the footprints led—towards a deeper, denser part of the jungle where the path all but disappeared.
“Let’s follow them,” Celeste decided. The unknown often spelled danger, but it could just as easily mean opportunity. In a Domain, information itself was a resource.
The two sisters masked their presence and began tracking the intermittent signs. The further they went, the more obvious the evidence of artificial activity became—branches crudely snapped, vines tied into haphazard markings, and even a few poorly constructed traps made of stones and sticks.
Selene muttered under her breath, “These traps… are they trying to catch prey by being adorable? The block towers I built when I was three were more complex than this.”
Celeste’s brow furrowed slightly. “The technique is crude, but the intent is clear. Whatever made these might have a bit more intelligence than we’re giving them credit for.”
After another fifteen minutes, they pushed aside a particularly dense thicket of thorns, and the scene that unfolded before them left both sisters stunned.
The dense forest suddenly opened up.
A crooked path, obviously cleared with brute force, stretched into the distance. And at the end of that path, a behemoth stood proudly, twisted into an impossible posture.
That… thing… could perhaps be called a “castle.”
But it was more like a giant, haphazard nest piled together from rough logs, mud, vines, and every sort of garbage imaginable. There was half a rusted sheet of metal, a few broken wooden barrels, and even a piece of suspiciously colored rag hanging from a wall. It possessed no aesthetic appeal whatsoever, leaning precariously to one side with holes in its walls patched up with huge leaves.
At the very top of its highest “tower,” a flag had been jammed into the structure. Doodled on a piece of animal hide with unknown dyes, its pattern was so abstract it bordered on post-modernist art.
This trash-heap castle created a jarring contrast with the ancient, wild Gloomwood surrounding it, like a three-dimensional sculpture a brat had improvised with glue and garbage directly onto a world-famous painting.
“What… what is that thing?” Selene’s mouth hung open in a perfect ‘O’. “Is this some hobo artist’s graduation project?”
Just then, a burst of chattering—sharp, harsh, and grating—erupted from the direction of the castle.
The sisters immediately ducked behind a giant tree, peering out from its cover to observe.
The crooked wooden door was shoved open with a bang, and several figures came hopping out. They were only as tall as a normal person’s waist, with sallow, yellow-green skin, pointed ears, and large noses. Dressed in rags and scraps of leather armor, they waved an assortment of wooden clubs, rusted swords, and even sharpened animal bones.
At that moment, they were gathered in a circle, gesticulating wildly and arguing over a small pile of shiny objects on the ground.
“Gah! Mine! Shiny is most!” a particularly thin and small green-skinned creature shrieked, snatching a few pieces for itself.
“Waaah! Stupid Gah! You count bad! I have more!” another, chubbier one shouted, pushing the first one aside and reaching for the pile.
“Jiggly-goo! Divide! Split fair!” A third, who looked slightly older, held a small wooden stick and tried to draw lines on the ground. But the lines came out crooked, and it stared at them for a long time, seemingly unable to figure out the math itself.
They argued, shoved, and even pulled at each other’s sparse hair. The scene was a chaotic, comical mess.
The examination bracelet on Celeste’s wrist vibrated softly, displaying the scanned information:
[Forest Goblin Lv. 15 – 18]
[Points: 25 / each]
[Characteristics: Gregarious, cowardly but greedy. Possesses a preliminary tribal civilization and extremely rudimentary tool-making ability. Mathematical ability usually does not exceed 5.]
[Note: Synonymous with chaos and noise. Sometimes, their noise is their most powerful weapon.]
“Goblins?” Selene whispered, her voice laced with disbelief. “And Forest Goblins at that? These things only show up as cautionary tales in low-level science books. They actually exist? And they built a… castle?”
Celeste’s gaze shifted from the group of goblins fighting to the death over a few shards of glass to the ramshackle wooden castle swaying in the wind. Her expression grew incredibly subtle.
She remembered Zhang Xuchu’s team mentioning “moonlight moss” and a “powerful guardian.”
Then she looked back at the green-skinned runts who couldn’t even count their own fingers.
An absurd thought began to bloom in her mind. Could it be? Were these clowns the so-called guardians of the rare moonlight moss?
“Sister, what’s the plan?” Selene was already eager for a fight. “Do we rush them and wipe them out? They don’t look very tough.”
Celeste shook her head, her eyes landing on the older goblin who was still trying to “uphold justice” and was now on the verge of confusing itself into a stupor. A smirk played on her lips, an arc that held both cunning calculation and the simple joy of watching a good show.
“No rush. Have you noticed? As noisy as they are, they never stray far from that castle, almost like they’re guarding something.”
“And,” she added, “they seem… particularly interested in shiny things.”
As she spoke, she retrieved a few intact bee stingers from her equipment space—trophies from the poisonous queen bee she had slain earlier. In the dim forest light, the stingers shimmered with a cold, metallic luster.
“Perhaps,” Celeste said, weighing the stingers in her hand, a smile breaking across her face that was equal parts ‘all according to plan’and’time for a little mischief.'”We can use a more…’civilized’ approach to make a deal with them.”
Selene looked from the gleaming stingers in her sister’s hand to the goblins who were about to bash each other’s brains out over a few worthless flakes of glass. She suddenly had a feeling that the upcoming scene was going to be very… joyful.
[Ding! Potential “trading” target discovered (mathematical proficiency questionable). A cross-civilizational (?) commercial activity is being planned. Elation Coins +50! Host, please begin your performance! Aha eagerly awaits a grand farce of beyond understanding negotiations!]
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