Arknights: It Can't Possibly Be My Fault... Right? — Chapter 8

Chapter 8: A Pleasant Exchange

“Kai, how did you end up in here too?”

In the spacious double occupancy room of the Rhodes Island infirmary, Elysium leaned over from the neighboring bed, eyeing Kai with blatant curiosity.

“Uh… never mind that. I did something big, and this was the necessary price.” Kai lay flat on his mattress with his legs crossed at the ankles, casually scrolling through his terminal. The thick ring of white medical gauze wrapped around his head was practically glowing under the sterile fluorescent lights.

“Oh.” Seeing that his roommate wasn’t in a sharing mood, Elysium dropped the subject with a shrug.

Kai shifted his gaze over to the Vanguard Operator. Elysium was covered in a miserable patchwork of bandages, dark bruises, and medical tape. “And how did you get in here? You look like you went through a meat grinder.”

Seeing Kai take an interest, Elysium suddenly grew animated, waving his unbandaged arm. “You wouldn’t believe it. Remember back in the cafeteria when I told you Thorns asked me to spar? That kid totally tricked me. When I got to the training room, he was nowhere to be found. Instead, my captain was waiting for me. She gave me such a brutal workout that my soul almost left my body.”

Before Kai could offer a word of sympathy, Elysium pushed on, his voice dripping with indignation. “I finally managed to escape around midnight. I was dragging myself back to the dormitory to confront Thorns when this girl who looked exactly like Dr. Kal’tsit ran over. I honestly thought the Doctor had just dyed her hair black, and I was about to say hello. But before I could even open my mouth, she marched right up and slapped me on the butt. She hit me so hard I almost went flying. It hurt like hell. Then she had the nerve to insist she was M3. I thought to myself, ‘Do you think I was born yesterday?’ I had just seen the real Mon3tr that afternoon. So, I just nodded along and looked for a chance to slip away while she kept talking.”

At this point, Elysium sat up, wincing as his bruised ribs protested. “The most infuriating part came next. She must have noticed I was trying to ditch her, because her entire temperament flipped like a switch. She started leaking this terrifying red mist. I thought I was a dead man, but she didn’t actually attack. She just stood there, completely spaced out. After a tense minute, I took a few slow steps back. She didn’t react at all. But the second I turned around to sprint for my life, I heard a loud bang and everything went black. When I woke up, I was staring at the infirmary ceiling.”

Kai listened to the tragic tale in complete silence. He opened his mouth, closed it, and swallowed hard. He had absolutely no idea what to say.

Elysium was too caught up in muttering about his recent string of terrible luck to notice his roommate’s sudden bout of extreme guilt.

“I’ll treat you to a nice meal once we get out of here,” Kai offered quietly.

“Really? Why?” Elysium blinked in surprise.

“No reason. Just because we are bros.”

“Aww, man. You are like a real brother to me.”

A few minutes later, the door to the infirmary slid open.

“What do you mean you are really M3?” Elysium stared at the black-haired woman standing in the middle of the room, utterly speechless.

M3 sat on a small stool between the two hospital beds, clutching a decorative fruit basket in her lap. After Kal’tsit had heard the full report of her summon’s midnight antics, she had strictly ordered M3 to march down to the medical wing and formally apologize to Operator Elysium.

“I… I am sorry. Ahem, I am deeply sorry for what happened in the hallway,” M3 said, bowing her head with clumsy but genuine sincerity.

“Well… I guess it is fine. Wait, no, my ribs say it is definitely not fine, but since it was all a giant misunderstanding, we can let it slide.” Elysium scratched the back of his neck, his brain still struggling to process the fact that the cute girl sitting in front of him was the terrifying crystal spine-monster from yesterday.

“Ahem, since the misunderstanding is completely cleared up, let us just move on,” Kai interjected smoothly from the side. He was terrified that if these two started comparing their timelines, they would easily trace the root cause of the entire disaster back to him. If Elysium figured out Kai was the reason he got knocked out, the Vanguard would absolutely explode.

“Oh, right, I almost forgot.” M3 suddenly perked up, placing the fruit basket on Elysium’s bedside table. “Kal’tsit is looking for you, Kai. She said she has something to give you.”

“Something? Oh, I know exactly what it is. It must be that thing. Man, even though Kal’tsit acted all cold and said no, she is actually quite sincere deep down.” Kai grinned, throwing his legs over the side of the bed. “Let us go. Take me to her office.”

“But what about your head injuries?” M3 asked, pointing at the bandages.

“Oh, it is nothing. I am actually perfectly fine now.” Kai reached up and casually ripped the thick gauze off his head, tossing it into the nearby biohazard bin. Thanks to Rhodes Island’s advanced Originium medical technology, the two massive bumps on his skull had already vanished.

“Oh, okay then.” Seeing that he was healed, M3 did not waste another second. Two sharp, black crystalline claws suddenly erupted from her back. She reached out, fully intending to grab Kai by the collar and haul him out the door.

“Wait, wait, hold on.” Kai scrambled backward on the mattress, waving his hands frantically.

“What is wrong?” M3 tilted her head, her black claws hovering in mid-air.

“This is way too rough,” Kai complained, still traumatized by his previous experiences of being dangled in the air like a sack of potatoes.

“But did I not always carry you exactly like this before?” M3 wrinkled her cute little nose, genuinely confused by the sudden change in protocol.

“Uh… that was back then. Now that you have turned into a human girl, dragging me by the neck is not really appropriate anymore. You get what I mean, right?” Kai gestured vaguely at her new form.

“Oh… really?” M3 lowered her claws hesitantly. “Then how is it normally supposed to be done?”

“I do not need you to carry me at all, I can just walk by myse—”

Before Kai could finish his sentence, Elysium chimed in from the neighboring bed with a massive, unhelpful grin. “A princess carry.”

Kai snapped his head around, glaring daggers at his so-called brother. ‘Are you kidding me?’Elysium just gave him a thumbs-up and a wink that clearly said,’I am helping you score, bro.’

“Princess carry?” M3 pondered the term for a brief second. Then, her eyes lit up and she clapped her hands together. “I see. I completely understand now.”

“Wait. What exactly do you understand?!” Kai shouted in panic, but his protests were entirely useless.

Before he could even blink, M3 scooped him up into her arms, cradling him against her chest. She bolted out of the infirmary like a gust of wind, leaving only his fading yells echoing down the sterile white corridor.

“Ah, it is so good to be young.” Elysium, thoroughly satisfied with his good deed for the day, smiled and reached into the basket on his nightstand. He picked up a bright yellow fruit and took a massive bite. “Just in time, too. I missed breakfast.”

He chewed once, froze, and immediately spat it into the trash can.

“Ptooey. Damn it, why is this thing so bitter?”

Kal’tsit’s office was a masterclass in minimalist efficiency. The room was simply furnished, with every file, monitor, and medical instrument arranged precisely according to her strict personal habits.

She was currently sitting in her high-backed leather chair, taking a slow sip of black coffee while reviewing a dense laboratory report.

Suddenly, the heavy metal door was kicked open with a loud bang.

“Alley-oop.” M3 marched inside and unceremoniously dumped Kai onto the floor. “Kal’tsit, I have brought Kai here just like you asked.”

Kai remained kneeling on the floor with his hands planted on the carpet, his face completely drained of color. His dignity was entirely shattered. On the way over, they had run into at least half a dozen familiar Operators in the hallways. At first, he had desperately tried to cover his face with his hands, but he quickly realized it was a lost cause. Everyone knew his clothes. The news that he had just been princess-carried through the entire ship by a beautiful girl was probably already trending on the internal network.

“What is wrong with him?” Kal’tsit asked, lowering her coffee mug.

“Hmm? I have no idea. He was perfectly fine just a minute ago,” M3 replied innocently.

Taking a deep breath, Kai forced himself to compose his shattered pride. After all, compared to his fleeting dignity, securing the maid outfit photo album was far more important. He patted his cheeks to wake himself up and raised his head.

He was immediately met with a magnificent sight.

Kal’tsit rarely bothered with hosiery. Her legs were perfectly proportioned, carrying a distinct, healthy strength to them that spoke of years in the field. Right now, with her legs crossed beneath the desk, they formed a mysterious, shadowy triangular area that completely hijacked his line of sight.

Kai did not consider himself a leg man. He simply appreciated all the beautiful things the world had to offer. He was not a leg man, just as he was not a foot man or a face man. He was simply a man of culture.

Kal’tsit did not react immediately when she saw Kai staring blankly beneath her desk. But a second later, the realization hit her. She stood up so fast her chair rolled backward, startling him out of his trance.

Her face flushed with sudden indignation. Her silver teeth ground together audibly, and a heavy, murderous intent flooded her green eyes.

“Kai…”

Sensing the impending threat to his life, Kai scrambled to his feet. “Uh… ahem, I was just a bit dizzy from the trip. I did not see anything at all. Oh, right. Did you not say you had something to give me? Where is it? Let me see it.”

Kal’tsit let out a long, slow exhale, forcing her blood pressure back down. “The item is on the guest chair over there.” She shot him a freezing glare that promised violence. “There will not be a next time.”

Kai walked over sheepishly and picked up the thick manila document bag resting on the chair. He thought Kal’tsit was being awfully formal by sealing the photos in a classified envelope. However, the moment he popped the string and pulled out the contents, his eager smile vanished.

It was not a maid photo album at all. It was a dense stack of medical paperwork.

Kai looked at her with a long, miserable face. “What is this?”

“Your schedule. It outlines the various physical check-ups we need you to undergo this week. The secondary packet is the specific tactical plan for our next operation. You and M3 will need to review it before you go meet with Amiya later this afternoon.” Kal’tsit raised a slender eyebrow, crossing her arms over her chest. “What exactly did you think it was?”

“I thought it was the maid outfit photo album I specifically requested.” Kai let out a heavy sigh, looking utterly devastated.

Kal’tsit immediately regretted sparing his life a moment ago. She tightly gripped the edge of her desk to suppress the overwhelming urge to summon Mon3tr and throw the man out the window. “…We will discuss your ridiculous demands later.”

She was honestly quite helpless against him. Yesterday, she had tried to negotiate, offering him any other reasonable reward for his massive contribution, but he had stubbornly insisted on this exact prize. He had flat-out refused to cooperate with the Medical Department otherwise.

“Kal’tsit, Kal’tsit, what maid outfit?” M3 chimed in from the center of the room, her head tilting in genuine curiosity. “Are you talking about that frilly dress you tried on in your bedroom last night?”

The office plunged into a dead, suffocating silence.

Kal’tsit stiffened, immediately sensing that a catastrophic line had just been crossed. Sure enough, when she slowly turned her head, she saw Kai staring at her. A slow, knowing smirk was spreading across his face. It was a look that clearly screamed, ‘So you really are that kind of Kal’tsit.’

For a rare, unmatched moment, Kal’tsit’s eternal, icy composure completely shattered under his teasing gaze. A deep flush crept up her neck and she quickly turned her face away, refusing to meet his eyes. The atmosphere in the office became incredibly awkward.

“There is absolutely nothing to be ashamed of, Kal’tsit. The love of beauty is a universal trait common to everyone,” Kai said in a soothing, philosophical tone, though he was clearly biting his lip to stifle a laugh.

“It is not what you think. I was merely…” Kal’tsit started, her voice unusually tight as she tried to formulate a logical excuse.

“Alright, Kal’tsit. You will not even look me in the eye while making up an excuse. Like I just said, it is nothing to be embarrassed about. Besides, nobody in this room is going to go out and gossip about it,” Kai advised, playing the role of a considerate confidant.

Hearing Kai actually speak like a reasonable human being for once, Kal’tsit exhaled softly. She kept her gaze fixed firmly on the small potted plant resting on the corner of her desk. “I am not…”

“Just do me a favor and call me next time you decide to change into it. To be completely honest, I would much rather see the real person wearing it than look at a photo.”

“Me too, Kal’tsit. I want to see you wear it too.”

Ten minutes later, out in the main corridor of the medical wing.

“Yo, Kai, and this must be the new girl, M3. Why do you both have a massive, smoking bump on your heads? What happened in there?” A passing medic stopped, looking at the two of them in bewilderment. News about M3’s true identity had already spread like wildfire throughout the entire department.

Kai rubbed the fresh, throbbing lump on his skull and sighed.

“Do not worry about it. We were just practicing our head-butting technique.”