Arknights: It Can't Possibly Be My Fault... Right? — Chapter 5

Chapter 5: Can You Turn Into a Human?

“I’m sorry, Mr. Kai, and I’m sorry, Dr. Kal’tsit!” Amiya bowed deeply, her rabbit ears drooping in genuine contrition.

“Uh… which specific direction are you apologizing for?” Kai asked, tilting his head.

“For misunderstanding the relationship between you two, of course! Mr. Kai, please stop teasing me,” she pouted, looking thoroughly aggrieved.

Kai chuckled, reaching out to ruffle the young Cautus’s hair. “No more teasing, I promise. It’s okay, Kal’tsit and I don’t mind. It was just a tiny misunderstanding, right, Kal’tsit?”

Kal’tsit stood near the desk, clutching the stack of folders she had just finished organizing. She let out a long, weary sigh, choosing not to grace the question with a verbal response. Kai noticed, with a flash of amusement, that the stash of candies previously sitting on his desk had mysteriously vanished—undoubtedly pocketed by a certain white-haired Feline.

“It is getting late, Amiya,” Kal’tsit said smoothly, her tone shifting back to her usual clinical detachment. “Go and get some rest. You have exerted a significant amount of mental energy today.”

With those parting instructions, the Chief Medical Officer turned on her heel and exited the room. Yet, to Kai’s discerning eye, her brisk pace carried the faintest hint of a flustered retreat.

“Mr. Kai?” Amiya’s voice broke his train of thought. Seeing him staring blankly at the empty doorway, her curiosity got the better of her. “What exactly did you and Dr. Kal’tsit talk about just now? Why did she seem a bit… strange?”

Kai snapped back to reality, a mischievous glint returning to his eyes. “You really want to know? Those were strictly ‘adult’ topics, Amiya. Don’t you think it’s a little too early for you to be hearing about such things?”

“A-Adult topics?!” Amiya stammered, completely falling for the bait. A furious blush crept up her neck. “I… I don’t know what you mean!”

Catching the wicked grin spreading across Kai’s face, the realization hit her. She planted her hands on her hips, her ears standing straight up in mock anger. “You are teasing me again! I am not talking to you anymore, Mr. Kai!”

Watching the young leader stomp off down the corridor, Kai shook his head with a fond smile. ‘Still just a little bunny after all, hehehe.’

“Roar… roar?”

A low, guttural vibration rattled the air behind him. Kai turned his head, only to find a massive, jagged, crystalline face thrust mere inches from his own.

He jumped back, genuinely startled this time. “Holy crap! Why are you still here? Wait, when did you even get here? Shouldn’t you have left with Kal’tsit?”

The towering spine-monster simply stared at him. It was then that Kai noticed a small slip of paper pinned beneath one of its razor-sharp claws. He carefully plucked it free, recognizing Kal’tsit’s elegant, precise handwriting.

‘That old cat,’ Kai mused, a faint smile touching his lips as he tucked the note into his pocket. He had been preparing to head to the canteen, but now he had a rather imposing shadow.

“Did Kal’tsit give you other instructions?” he asked tentatively.

Mon3tr tilted its massive, jagged head. A low, questioning rumble vibrated from its chest.

“Uh… I’ll take that as a no. Do you want to go grab some food with me, then?”

A series of surprisingly joyful, clicking roars echoed through the room.

One human and one terrifying spine-beast strolled into the Rhodes Island canteen. Naturally, such a bizarre combination instantly drew the stares of every Operator in the vicinity.

“Yo, Kai! Why did Mon3tr tag along today?” A handsome Liberi with white hair and striking red highlights strolled over, waving casually.

Recognizing the Vanguard, Kai didn’t hesitate to throw an arm around his shoulders. “If it isn’t our incredibly handsome Elysium! Where have you been making your fortune lately?”

Elysium blinked, thoroughly bewildered by the sudden physical affection. “Where exactly did you learn these strange ways of greeting people?”

Kai waved off the question, steering the Liberi toward the food counters at the back of the bustling hall. “Come on, come on, let’s grab a bite together.”

“What are you doing? I’ve already eaten.” Elysium shoved Kai’s arm away with a laugh. “Besides, I have places to be. My good son Thorns called me down to the Training Room for some practice. You… uh, you guys enjoy your meal. I’m out of here.”

“Fine, get lost then.” Kai delivered a solid, resounding slap to Elysium’s rear end as a farewell, then turned back around.

He found Mon3tr leaning down, its glowing eyes fixed intensely on his face. Another confused, rumbling growl slipped from its jaws.

“What? Did you want to learn that?” Kai asked, keeping a perfectly straight face. “This is just a common cultural exchange. It’s how good brothers say goodbye to each other!”

Mon3tr simply tilted its head the other way, letting out an even more baffled hiss.

“I’ll take the fried egg and steak rice, please. And for the second order…” Kai stood at the ordering window, glancing up at the hulking black monstrosity hovering beside him. Thankfully, Rhodes Island’s architectural design accounted for massive equipment and oversized Operators, so the high ceilings and spacious aisles meant Mon3tr wasn’t causing a traffic jam. “Uh, Mon3tr, what do you feel like eating?”

The creature leaned over the glowing digital menu board, scanning the options in a remarkably human-like manner.

Watching the jagged head track the scrolling text, Kai couldn’t help but voice his disbelief. “Wait, by the way… can you actually read?”

Mon3tr whipped its head around, clearly offended by the sheer audacity of the question. To prove its point, it slammed a heavy claw against the terminal, ordering the absolute most expensive meal on the entire menu and aggressively adding every single premium side topping available.

Staring at the colossal mountain of food rapidly accumulating on the tray, Kai began to seriously doubt whether inviting Kal’tsit’s summon to dinner had been a financially sound decision.

The two of them—well, sort of two—carried their dinner to a quiet, secluded corner of the mess hall. Honestly, Kai was impressed. Mon3tr’s massive, lethal claws were surprisingly steady as it balanced the fragile plastic tray. It must have been used to helping Kal’tsit with delicate chores around the medical ward.

As he ate, Kai kept stealing glances at his dining companion. He knew the lore. He knew that under specific, highly tragic circumstances, Mon3tr possessed the ability to transform into a devastatingly beautiful human girl—M3. But the price for that transformation was the death of the ‘Old Cat’.

He couldn’t accept that. Even though Kal’tsit had claimed she could be resurrected using the ancient Sarcophagus, Kai’s past life had ended far too early for him to see how that plotline truly resolved. He didn’t want Kal’tsit to die. He refused to let it happen.

His deep, philosophical train of thought derailed violently as he watched Mon3tr lift the entire oversized tray with its claws and simply tilt the mountain of food directly into its gaping maw. It was, frankly, a terrifying display of gluttony.

While admiring the beautiful girl(?) devouring her meal like a woodchipper, Kai’s mind raced. There had to be a way. A loophole in the system that would keep Kal’tsit alive and well, while still allowing Mon3tr to take on a human form.

“Hey, Mon3tr,” Kai said, setting his fork down. “Can I ask you something?”

The creature paused mid-chew, looking at him. Previously, Kai had always referred to it casually as ‘M3’, treating it like a cute nickname. It had caught on to the point where even other Operators, and occasionally Kal’tsit herself, used it. While Mon3tr didn’t seem to mind the moniker, it was clearly unaccustomed to Kai suddenly using its full, formal designation with such a serious tone.

“Can you turn into a human? Like Kal’tsit?”

Mon3tr let out a low, utterly bewildered growl.

“You know, turn into a cute girl. I guarantee you’d be incredibly popular around here,” Kai pressed, scarfing down a bite of steak.

The creature just stared at him, tilting its head again. It clearly had no idea what he was talking about.

Kai tapped his chin thoughtfully. “Maybe with black hair, and then, um…”

At that exact moment, a dark-skinned, perpetually exhausted-looking handsome man strolled past their table. “Kai. Ah, Mon3tr is here too. What are you two talking about?”

“Yo, Thor~ns~~!” Kai practically sang the greeting.

Thorns’s expression darkened instantly. He reached out and clamped a vice-like grip onto Kai’s shoulder. “Can you not call me like that every single time we meet? It is incredibly strange, you know? Especially since that idiot Elysium won’t stop imitating it. It is annoying as hell.”

Fearing for the safety of his remaining steak, Kai immediately raised his hands in surrender, offering a solemn, serious guarantee that it would never happen again. However, the grinning face he wore showed absolutely zero remorse.

Thorns didn’t even bother getting angry. He simply sighed, reached down, and swiped a perfectly grilled sausage right off Kai’s plate. “You haven’t answered my question yet. What were you just talking about?”

“Oh, nothing much. I was just asking if Mon3tr could turn into a human.”

“Pffft!” Thorns violently choked on the stolen sausage. He pounded his chest, coughing aggressively. “Cough… cough! What the hell did you just say? Mon3tr? Turning into a human?”

“Uh… is it really that impossible? I think Mon3tr has a ton of potential to become a human.” Kai gestured grandly at the jagged, terrifying spine-beast. “I mean, just look at these long legs, this slender waist, and these big, beautiful eyes.”

He only stopped his sales pitch when Mon3tr let out a sharp, highly annoyed hiss, baring its razor-sharp teeth at him.

Thorns stared at Kai for a long, silent moment, processing the sheer absurdity of the conversation. “I am going to tell Dr. Kal’tsit about this.”

“Anyway, never mind all that,” Kai deflected smoothly. “By the way, shouldn’t you be down in the Training Room right now?” He remembered Elysium mentioning that Thorns was waiting for him for a sparring session.

Thorns swallowed the rest of the sausage and shrugged. “Elysium told you that? I was fooling him. I’m not going to the Training Room. In fact, someone else entirely is waiting for him down there.”

“Oh? Who?”

“His healer.”

Kai blinked, a slow, wicked grin spreading across his face as he realized exactly what that meant for the poor Vanguard. “Oh, damn. Nice.”