Genshin Impacti: This Priest is Cringe, But She's Also Unbeatable — Chapter 94

Chapter 94: Studying Medicine Can’t Save Mondstadt! With a Gun in Hand, All Are Equal!

The moment Celeste activated the character card, the entire battlefield seemed to slam on the brakes.

It wasn’t the absolute, authority-stripping silence of Eldara’s “Silent Verdict,” but a far more absurd phenomenon, one that defied all logic this world possessed. A halo of swirling pink and blue light engulfed Celeste like a tidal wave.

On this gray, desolate battlefield, steeped in death, blood, and steel, this shimmering aura—overflowing with a sweet, girlish charm—was an open provocation to the grim aesthetic.

“What is that?!”

“That priestess… what is she doing?”

Whether it was the blood-soaked knights or the advancing undead horde, the movements of every living and unliving being slowed to a crawl. Their gazes were irresistibly pinned by that glaring, saccharine halo.

Far in the distance, on the peak of the battlefield, a muscle in Eldara’s scarlet eye twitched violently. A sinister premonition shot straight through her mind. This feeling… it was exactly the same as when that pink-haired girl had asked if her armor could change colors.

“Tricks and games!” the Death Lord Mogras bellowed, his voice like thunder. “Kill her!”

The order was given, but it was already too late.

The light receded.

The simple priestess robe Celeste had been wearing was gone, replaced by a gorgeous, frilly prayer dress adorned with lace and ribbons. Her long hair was now tied into playful, spiraling pigtails that bounced nimbly beside her shoulders.

The most jarring element, however, was the assault rifle clutched in her hands. Painted in a bizarre combination of champagne gold and sky blue, its frame radiated a cold, murderous intent that was utterly incompatible with her sweet, angelic appearance.

“It’s here, it’s here!” Selene clenched her fists, her eyes shining with manic excitement. “It’s Sister’s most powerful ‘Heroic Spirit’! We’re golden now! Go, Sister! Wreck them!”

“Is this… the so-called ‘stable Heroic Spirit possession’?” Su Wan clutched her forehead, a throb of pain pulsing behind her eyes. She forced herself to look away, but the corner of her eye betrayed her, glued stubbornly to Celeste.

Xia Lian let out a long, shaky sigh of relief and patted her chest. “Thank goodness. It’s just a change into a flashier outfit. That’s… that’s acceptable.”

But before that sigh could fully escape her lungs, a true, world-ending social death scene descended upon them.

High above Celeste’s head, the dome of the sky, choked with the dust of war, cracked open without warning. A colossal, virtual screen materialized from the rift.

The screen flickered to life.

A blast of rock music, heavy with the texture of grinding metal and explosive passion, instantly set the entire battlefield ablaze.

Immediately after, a line of blood-red characters slammed into the center of the screen, accompanied by the crisp, metallic click of a bullet being chambered.

【 Barbara: Studying Medicine Can’t Save Mondstadt (Chambering Round) 】

On the screen, a two-dimensional version of Celeste watched as her own sweet, professional smile gradually dissolved, replaced by a cold, indifferent expression that screamed, ‘I’m done pretending.’

She tore the hair accessory from her head, letting the ribbon flutter to the ground.

Then, under the deathly silent gaze of the entire battlefield, she reached under her fluffy, gorgeous skirt and pulled out something terrifying. Something with rotating barrels, gleaming with a death-metal sheen…

A six-barreled Gatling gun.

The battlefield fell into absolute, deep silence.

Every knight, living or dead, stared up at the giant screen in the sky, their gazes fixed on the cold-faced idol hefting the massive rotary cannon. The expressions under their helmets twisted into masks of pure, unadulterated confusion.

Their combat instincts remained, but their brains had collectively blue-screened.

‘What… is this thing?”Some kind of… mental pollution magic?”Why is there weird music playing in my head?”So… so cool… No! I am a noble Death Knight! What am I thinking?!’

One apprentice knight even began to subconsciously bob his head to the rhythm, only jolted back to his senses when a comrade smashed his helmet with the hilt of a sword.

“Pfft—”

Su Wan choked, unable to catch her breath, and nearly suffered a magical backlash on the spot. ‘The last video wasn’t this style at all!’

The blood drained from Xia Lian’s face. Her mouth hung open in a perfect “O” as she let out a bewildered cry. “How… how can she… from under her skirt…”

What truly sent her spiraling, however, was the horrifying discovery that she was subconsciously tapping her leg to the explosive drumbeat.

“Stop! My leg! Stop it!”

Xia Lian stared at her disobedient limb in terror before skillfully covering her face with both hands and squatting down on the spot, as if trying to hide her entire existence behind a single blade of grass.

“Help! I don’t know her, I don’t know her…”

Celeste, meanwhile, lowered her head and tugged at the slightly tight fabric across her chest, feeling the brand-new power surging within her.

‘This feeling of being the center of attention… This damn desire to perform! Why does it feel so excitingly manic? This is sick!’

She raised her head, a strange smile—a perfect blend of sweetness and coldness, identical to the one on the screen—gracing her lips. She even shot a playful wink at the dumbfounded friendly forces.

“Barbara, shining debut~ ♪” she chirped, her entrance line delivered in a voice so sweet it could give you cavities.

Then, she leveled the muzzle of the 【 Sky-Piercing AK-47 】 at the dark legion of Death Knights arrayed before her.

“So… dear patients, please line up in an orderly fashion. No cutting in line, Sister’s treatment is coming right up~ ♪”

The corners of her mouth curled into a dangerous arc, her eyes suddenly turning ice-cold.

“First, let’s deal with the most disobedient ones in the front row! The concert… starts now!”

She pulled the trigger.

“DA-DA-DA-DA-DA-DA-DA-DA—!”

It wasn’t the crack of a gunshot, but the savage roar of a metal beast, utterly tearing apart the eerie silence. A violent, dense storm of bullets, each composed of countless golden holy light projectiles, sprayed crazily toward the battle lines of both armies in a completely indiscriminate manner.

[Ding! The Host has shocked the entire battlefield in an extremely impactful way, successfully causing both the ‘Silent Watch Knights’and the’Withered Legion’ to fall into cognitive dissonance! Elation Coins +2333!]

[Ding! Teammate Su Wan’s spirit has received a massive shock and is currently reshaping her worldview! Elation Coins +666!]

[Ding! Teammate Xia Lian’s embarrassment value has exceeded the threshold! Elation Coins +666!]

[Ding! Teammate Selene is cheering for you! Elation Coins +666!]

Listening to the notifications flooding her mind, Celeste felt an incredible surge of power.

‘Awesome!’

There was nothing more satisfying than holding a concert on a battlefield while using an AK to bring salvation to all living beings!

She fired wildly, shouting at the top of her lungs in Barbara’s cheerful voice.

“Lord Barbatos will surely forgive you!”

“So let Sister’s Sky-Piercing AK-47 send you to meet Him!”

If Celeste’s transformation had delivered a spiritual shock to everyone on the battlefield, then the moment the 【 Sky-Piercing AK-47 】 opened fire, it brought a destructive, dimension-rending blow on both a physical and magical level.

The golden barrage was so dense, so violent, that wherever it passed, the very air was torn asunder, emitting a piercing whistle.

“Defend!”

The Undead Knights in the front row snapped out of their stupor, instinctively raising their shields and weapons to block this unheard-of attack.

It was utterly useless.

“Ding-ding-dang-dang—!”

The dense clatter of impacts merged into a single, noisy, and harsh drone.

Those golden holy light bullets struck the Undead Knights’ heavy runic armor and tower shields, but they didn’t explode with a loud clang. Instead, they burst into clusters of soft yet deadly golden motes of light.

“What kind of attack is this? It’s so soft…”

An Undead Knight had just formed the thought when, in the next second, the consciousness in his soul-fire froze.

He watched in horror as his prized black iron armor, blanketed by those golden light spots, began to silently melt like hot wax. Plumes of black, purifying smoke hissed from its surface as it rapidly disintegrated.

The evil runes etched into the armor let out unbearable wails, bursting and extinguishing one after another.

“My armor! No!”

“This is the power of purification?! It’s vaporizing my death energy!”

Panic, like a plague, instantly ignited the undead lines.