Genshin Impacti: This Priest is Cringe, But She's Also Unbeatable — Chapter 82

Chapter 82: Little Ika? Big Ivan!

However, when this tide of shimmering pink light swept over the guards and adventurers, a completely different scene unfolded.

“Ah—”

A short, sharp cry echoed through the air.

It wasn’t a scream of pain, but a collective gasp of deep, almost indecent relief.

The stout captain stared down at his own arm in shock. The ghastly claw mark that had nearly exposed the bone was healing at a frantic, visible rate under the bath of pink light. New flesh, warm and tingling with a faint itch, wove itself together at a dizzying speed, sealing the wound and leaving behind unblemished skin filled with an explosive sense of power.

The bone-deep fatigue and the burning ache in his muscles from the continuous fighting were brutally scoured away by a warm current. He even had the dizzying illusion that he had returned to his twenties, brimming with enough raw strength to punch a bull into next week.

“My wounds… it’s not just the wounds! My stamina is completely restored!” an adventurer exclaimed, touching his shoulder, which was now as good as new. The surging, roaring power within his body brought a near-manic grin to his face.

At the rear of the convoy, the old priest, who had exhausted every last drop of his Holy Light and was panting weakly against a wagon wheel, was gently caressed by the same pink luminescence.

A tide of life force, so warm it was almost tyrannical, flooded the parched desert of his spiritual reserves.

Boom!

It felt as if something deep within him had shattered.

The bottleneck that had plagued his advancement for a full ten years, a wall he had long since given up on surmounting, collapsed instantly under the sheer, overwhelming force of this new power.

The old priest’s murky eyes snapped wide open.

His gaze was fixed, unblinking, on the priestess bathed in the center of the pink torrent. His mouth opened and closed, and finally, he managed a choked whisper that sounded less like a prayer and more like he was staring down a ghost.

“What… what kind of divine spell is this?”

“It’s… pink?”

“Whose divine gift is this? The… the Goddess of Love?!”

“Praise be to… love?”

Just as the absurdity reached its peak, something appeared that perfectly matched the aesthetic of the pink Holy Light.

As the tide of light dealt catastrophic damage to the undead, a pillow-sized, chibi phantom of a unicorn, radiating a soft, seven-colored light, suddenly popped into existence above Celeste’s head with an audible pop!

It had a perfectly round body, comically short hooves, and enormous eyes that sparkled with innocent light. Perched atop its head was a tiny, gleaming golden crown.

Passive skill, [Sunny Rainbow Little Ika], activated!

“Doo! Doo-doo, doo~!”

Little Ika let out a soft, impossibly cute, and cheerful cry.

The next second, hundreds of identical Little Ika phantoms materialized simultaneously, forming a terrifyingly adorable legion that instantly blanketed the entire battlefield.

In perfect unison, they all lowered their heads, revealing the small, seemingly harmless spiral horns on their foreheads.

“Doo!”

Accompanied by a super-cute charging bugle call, the round bodies of all the Little Ikas began to spin at high speed. The surrounding pink Holy Light and their own seven-colored auras were whipped into a storm of gorgeous, miniature tornadoes.

The eye of each storm was the tiny golden crown on their heads.

“Doo! Doo-doo!”

The dense whistle of them breaking through the air sounded almost playful. These ‘Pink Rainbow Drills’—each trailing a comical plume of exhaust like a tiny rocket—launched a death charge directly toward the densest cluster of undead.

The pink ‘Healing Ring’ continued to dissolve them.

And the seven-colored ‘Headbutt Legion’ brought the final judgment.

Every collision burst into a small halo of rainbow light. The ghouls and skeleton soldiers they struck didn’t even have time to wail; they were instantly purified out of existence by the sheer, weaponized cuteness—a ‘Vaporize’ reaction of the most absurd kind.

In the blink of an eye, the area nearly a hundred meters in front of the convoy was wiped clean.

All that remained was the excessively clean ground, dotted with patches of some unknown liquid that smoked faintly in the wind.

A quiet breeze rustled past.

The battlefield, which had been a chaotic meat grinder just moments ago, fell into a deathly silence.

The guards stood frozen, holding their weapons and staring blankly at the empty space ahead. They looked down at their own vanished wounds, then felt the boundless stamina that was so abundant it was almost overflowing.

A single, petrified expression was shared among them all.

The stout captain’s mouth hung agape. The mountain-cleaving axe slipped from his numb fingers, clattering to the ground and nearly crushing his own foot.

He didn’t even notice.

He had lived for half a century, and for the first time in his life, he learned that this was how a ‘Healing Spell’ was supposed to work.

By ‘healing’ the enemy out of existence at the source?

“…Fuck.”

He finally squeezed the single word from his throat, his voice dry and hoarse.

“You call that a goddamn healing spell?”

Behind him, the white-haired old priest was trembling with a frequency that would put a leaf in a hurricane to shame. He clutched the holy emblem on his chest, his eyes darting from Celeste to the purification residue on the ground and back again.

In that moment, his entire faith was forcibly dyed a brilliant, blasphemous pink.

The old man’s lips quivered, uttering a stream of deranged, muttering words. “Heresy… no, this is a miracle… a pink miracle… Holy Light above, what… what have I witnessed…”

The short blade in Xia Lian’s hand had lowered at some point.

She glanced at Selene, who wore an expression of smug, excited pride, as if to say, ‘I knew it would be like this.’She looked at her sister Celeste again, and finally, her gaze landed on that egregiously clean’battle record’.

“…Care to explain?” she asked Selene, her voice flat.

“Oh, that’s just my sister’s divine healing spell,” Selene said, puffing out her chest with an air of absolute normalcy. “For people, it’s a heal. For the undead, it’s a first-class, non-stop ticket to the afterlife. It’s specialized, honest, and reliable. As for that little unicorn… well, that’s a new one on me, too.”

Su Wan’s perpetually icy, beautiful face lost its composure once again. The staff in her hand trembled slightly. As an elemental mage, her perception of energy was exceptionally keen. She could clearly and accurately distinguish that the essence of that pink light was indeed pure, immense Holy Light.

“But… even the ‘Mass Purification’ cast by the Archbishop only destroys the soul fire of the undead, causing their bones to scatter and preventing their resurrection,” she murmured, her eyes fixed on the patches of bone fragments that had been turned to powder and the strange liquid residue. She swallowed with difficulty.

“But this… this didn’t just scatter the bones. It rendered them to dust…”

Celeste slowly lowered her staff, looked at the refreshed battlefield with a satisfied expression, and nodded gently.

“Hmm, it seems using Holy Light this way is far more efficient,” she summarized softly.

[Ding! Detected that teammate Su Wan’s foundational understanding of elemental logic has descended into chaos. Her worldview has suffered a violent impact. You have derived a twisted sense of pleasure from this. Elation Coins +999!]

Celeste ignored the system’s usual noise and cast her gaze further into the darkness.

The pink tidal wave had cleared out the vast majority of low-level undead, but the three Necromancers remained, shrouded in a thick dark shield. The shield fluctuated violently under the impact of the pink light, but it had managed to hold.

At this moment, three pairs of eye sockets, each flickering with ghostly green fire, were staring fixedly at Celeste. Their soul flames swayed wildly, conveying a mixture of unbelievable shock and a kind of… near-insane greed.

And behind them, the huge Stitched Abomination seemed to have been completely enraged by the holy light. It let out a deafening, guttural roar.

It took heavy, earth-shaking strides and began to charge. The ground groaned beneath its feet as it swung its giant beast-bone club, whipping up a terrifying, foul wind.

One of the Necromancers raised its bone staff, pointing it directly at Celeste. Its hoarse, sharp voice echoed across the battlefield like nails scraping against glass.

“Capture her! Her soul… her power… will be the supreme sacrifice for our ascent to immortality!”